This past Saturday was the wedding of a very dear friend of mine. I was particularily excited about dressing up for the event, as I was wearing The Dress. The goal dress I bought 6 years ago that was going to be my reward for losing the few pounds I put on after Steve and I got together... The dress I've never worn - until now.

It wasn't a perfect fit (still a little tight up top), but it fit and I rocked it.

I'm so excited that I have gotten this far in my weight loss journey. This dress is my goal size. I am so close now I can taste it. I have been a little lax in my dieting and exercising the last couple of weeks, but now is the time to refocus and finish this out. I am SO close - too close to quit now! Today marks the start of my renewed diet and exercise regime, including restarting Insanity. After going through it once to the best of my (lack of) ability, I am starting it again from the beginning. I am going to go through the whole program, start to finish. No waivering, no excuses. I have lost enough weight now that I am pretty much fit enough to make a real go of it this time. I no longer feel like the plyometric jumping is going to snap my knees like twigs, and I no longer feel like a cardio workout in an excess of 5 minutes is going to kill me. I'm even going to have Steve take some 'before' pictures of me today, and I'm going to mark down my measurements. I'm close enough to my goal now that it's time to start working on toning, not just pure weight loss.

So yesterday I finally got around to watching Alice in Wonderland on Netflix. I used to watch the 1951 Disney animated version of the movie all the time when I was a child, and I was curious to see how this one would match up to it. I didn't go into it with very high hopes though... not after the flaming pile of poo Tim Burton served up in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

As far as my overall feelings of Alice in Wonderland, it was what I thought is would be; it was a so-so film relying far too much on digital effects. I especially disliked the odd stretched-out appearance on the Knave of Hearts, played by Crispin Glover. I just didn't get why they did it. It added nothing to the character or the movie and it made him really hard to look at.

I was really surprised at the turn the story took with the inclusion of the Jabberwock. Both Jabberwocky and Alice in Wonderland were written by Lewis Carrol, so I understand hwy they did it. And it really did make for an interesting plot, so I'm okay with it.

The only real disappointment for me in the movie was Johnny Depp's portrayal of the Mad Hatter. Don't get me wrong - I love Johnny Depp. I think he's an AMAZING actor and I have enjoyed him in every movie I've ever seen him in. The man's got talent. But for some reason, when it came to this character, it's like he ran out of ideas and just recycled some crap from the past. My impression of Dapp's potrayal of the Mad Hatter seemed like a cross between his turn at J. M. Barrie in Finding Neverland and John Leguizamo's potrayal of Toulousse-Lautrec in Moulin Rouge. The Mad Hatter kept switching between drunken bohemian and angry scottsman, and I just didn't get it. The whole time I was watching him I kept thinking the movie should have been titled Johnny Depp's Adventure in Recycled Acting or, at the very least, Tim Burton's Adventures in Recasting the Same People Over and Over Again. And yes I mean you, Helena Bonham Carter. I don't care if she is Tim Burton's baby mama, he needs to quit putting her in his movies.

Speaking of Tim Burton and making movies, I think that the next time he wants to do a remake of a classic movie someebody needs to beat the living [expletive deleted] out of him. Burton has made SO many movies that I absolutely love, but all of his best movies are originals. Everytime he tries to remake something from the past he twists and warps it until it's unrecognizable. There's a reason that Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was a classic movie loved by everyone - because it was perfect, just the way it was.

I said DON'T push the button!

In a perfect world there would be a tiny little force field around the power button on your computer tower.

Our computer's power button glows blue when the computer is on. Back in the day when Maron was Marida's age, she loved to crawl up to the computer desk and put her finger on the power button and push it in, which would make every program close and the computer shut off cold. There was something about the little tiny blue light that was like a moth to the flame with Maron. She absolutely could not resist it. It got so bad that I eventually took a piece of black electrical tape and put it over the button so Maron couldn't see the little blue light. That seemed to do the trick; once I put the tape over the button Maron never pusehd it in again.

Fast forward to almost 3 years later. There is a new 1 year old baby crawling around the house, encompassed with the same desire to push the little blue-lit button. The only problem is that, as time went by and Maron matured, I eventually took the black eletrical tape off the button because it was no longer necessary. Now, 9 or 10 button-pushed-in-by-Marida's later, I cannot find the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] electrical tape!!

So now I sit here, after waiting almost 5 minutes for my computer to shut down, turn off and then start back up again, and I'm thinking to myself that, in a perfect world, there would be a teeny, tiny little force field around my computer's power button so that my baby pushing the button and turning off my computer without any date being saved wouldn't even be a possibility.

Today was Marida's 1st birthday party. We kept it small - just a few friends of Maron's that Marida sees on a regular basis. It was a lot of fun though, and everyone had a good time. I put Marida in a pretty pink smock dress that a friend sent me and she looked ADORABLE!

Marida's party was Winnie the Pooh themed. The WtP cake I got from Albertsons was perfect. They even gave us a single cake for free since it was her 1st birthday.

It was her first time eating cake or frosting, and it's safe to say she LOVED it. We gave her a giant piece of cake and she ate the whole thing! I thought I would have to be peeling her off of the ceiling but she actually handled the sugar high very well.

Marida got a bunch of presents, most of which light up and/or make noise. I think her favorite present was the pink pig that sings and jiggles when you press its nose. My favorite present was the pink sun hat. I've looked all over the place trying to find a hat with a strap for her with no luck, so this is perfect. Thanks Georgi!

This was the first real birthday party I've thrown, so I was a bit nervous about it. It seemed to go well though. Everyone has plenty to eat and drink and all the kids had fun, which is the most important thing. I'll get more practice pretty pretty soon since Maron's birthday is only 3 months away. My head is already buzzing with ideas for a Tinkerbell themed party...

Happy 1st birthday party Marida! I'm flabberghasted at how quickly the time has gone by, but it's worth it to get to know you a little better each day. You amaze me, my little Ninja Monkey, and I love you forever.

Where were you a year ago?

A year ago today I was at Harrison Medical Center in Silverdale, WA awaiting the arrival of my second child via scheduled c-section. Shortly after 12:00 pm I was taken to the operating room so they could begin prepping me. A spinal block, an IV drip and a couple of surgeons later we got under way and at 12:37 pm Marida Grace Haag was yanked into this world kicking and screaming (although she calmed down pretty quickly). She weighed 8lbs 15oz and was 19.5 inches long. And she was absolutely beautiful...

9 months ago today I was still enjoying getting to know my 3 month old little girl who, it turns out, had exactly the same size and color of eyes that I did when I was young...

6 months ago today I was loving every minute of life with the newest Haaglet, from her ninja-like ability to roll across the room to her complete and total adoration of her big sister. And every time I looked into those giant dark blue eyes with those long, GORGEOUS eyelashes I fell a little more in love with her. And I was head over heels for her smile...

3 months ago today I was dubstruck at how quickly the time was going by. My little baby was pullling up to standing, laughing at life and crawling across the house with reckless abandon. She was the happiest 9 month old I'd ever met and was still an absolute joy to be around...

Today I am in a constant state of shock and awe when it comes to my littlest girl. From the mouthful of cat food (shock!) to climbing up the stairs in less than 45 seconds (shock!) to her walking across the entire house while holding onto the sin-n-stand walker (awe!), I am always amazed by, sometimes frightened for and certainly never bored with Marida. She is my little Ninja Monkey and every day with her is an adventure...

Happy birthday to you, Marida Grace Haag. I love you to the moon and the stars, around the sun, and back again.

xoxoxo

~Mommy

Party like a rock star!

This past Saturday I got my belated Mother's Day gift from Steve, which was a day/night out with my friends Georgi and Barbara. We had made plans to go see the Rat City Roller Girls (roller derby) at the Key Arena in Seattle. As Barbara is getting married on the 28th, Georgi and I conspired to turn derby night into Barbara's bachelorette party, and it was an EPIC success!

We started off by getting dressed to the 9's in derby fashion and then headed into the city. Derby was awesome, as usual, and much too much fun (despite the fact that both of the teams we were rooting for lost their bouts).

After derby we went to the Rock Box, which is the most righteous Karaoke bar ever! It's Japanese style, which means that instead of just sitting around a bar like would-be-rock-star cattle waiting to sing, you rent private rooms in one hour increments. When Georgi first told me about it the concept seemed a little wierd to me, but once we were there it made total and perfect sense. I ended up singing a whole slew of songs that I've never sang at Karaoke before because I didn't know if I could pull them off or not. But in this instance we came, we sang and we had a bitchin' good time! Unfortunately none of us sang extraorddinarily well because we all blew our voices out shouting at derby, but we had fun and acted like rock stars regardless.

All in all I had a VERY fun 12 hours away from home, even though I was (much) worse for wear the next day. As awesome as it is to let loose and party every once in a while, it's certainly a lot harder to recover from than it was when I was 22. TOTALLY worth it though, as we were able to give Barbara a righteous surprise bachelorette party. :-)

So here's the thing: I have never met Shaun T, the creator of the Insanity program. He doesn't know me, so I have no reason to believe that he has a personal vendetta against me.

But it sure feels that way sometimes.

Today was my 2nd go at the Max Recovery workout. And while I'd like to think I did just a teensy weensy bit better than I did last week, I just don't know. Somehow the whole workout seemed worse today than it did the first time. I did everything to the best of my ability but at the end of it I found myself wondering once again at the audacity of Shaun T to call that a recovery workout. How can I possibly be recovering when my leg muscles are burning their way through my skin and the strain from trying to hold my core tight enough brings me this close to puking?

Tomorrow's workout is Max Cardio Conditioning, which I don't mind one bit. It's the shortest of the Max workouts, clocking in at 47 minutes. It's the same premise as Pure Cardio; all-go-no-quit cardio endurance training. And while I miss the water break every three and a half minutes that you get with the circuit training, I find that I really like the aspect of doing an exercise, then doing another and another etc until the end. I like that we don't do four exercises and then repeat them two more times like we do in the circuit training. It somehow feels a little easier to soldier on that way. What I am not looking forward to tomorrow is Cardio Abs, which is on the docket to follow immediately after the main workout. 47 minutes of Max Cardio Conditioning + 16 minutes of Cardio Abs = 63 minutes of suck = 1 extremely sweaty, exhausted Micah.

This morning my alarm went off at 4:45, as it does Monday through Saturday, and I dragged myself out of bed to exercise. I really, really, REALLY didn't want to do my workout this morning... so I got dressed and did it anyway.

After completing the Max Interval Circuit, tired and sweaty and a little sore, I went to get myself a cup of coffee before going upstairs to shower off the sweet smell of how far I've come and the awful stink of how far I have left to go. As I was making my bed before getting in the shower (something the obsesive compulsive nature in me demands I do every morning) I was thinking about how much I didn't want to be making the bed - I wanted to be sleeping in it. I thought about how wonderful it would be if I didn't get up at a quarter to 5:00 every morning; how grand it would be to stay nestled under the covers with my buckwheat pillow and my monkey pillow pet, every morning, until absolute child related necessity forced me out of bed. It occured to me that the only reason I don't do this is because I don't want to be fat anymore. And in order to not be fat I have to exercise, and in order to get a workout completed effectively I have to do it first thing in the morning, before the kids get up. Because once Maron and Marida are up it's all about them.

This train of thought led me to the realization that all my of not-getting-up-at-the-ass-crack-of-dawn dreams would come true if only I didn't mind being fat. If I was happy being fat everything would be GREAT! I wouldn't have to get up at dawn; I wouldn't have to exercise my body to its very limits every day; I wouldn't have to watch what I ate and count every calorie so that I could log it in my food journal; I could bake all the chocolate chip cookies, banana bread and brownies I wanted, secure in the fact that if I gorged myself on them (which I would be sure to do) it wouldn't matter, because I was happy being fat! The FGIMH (fat girl in my head) started jumping up and down saying, "See! See! It could be great! Just give up this exercising nonsense and we'll live like fat, happy queens!"

I'm not listening to the FGIMH though, and here's why:

This is a dress that I bought 6 years ago. It was a size too small at the time, but I decided to go ahead and get it because at that point I had just started gaining weight and was sure that a tiny bit of effort would take it all off again in a jiffy, and this dress was going to be my reward for getting back to where I was. Fast forward 6 years... I did not get back to wear I was, I just kept getting fatter. I had a couple of kids and in the end I was fatter than I had ever been, with a brand new dress hanging in my closet that I have never even worn. But here's the kicker: Two nights ago I tried on this dress for the fist time in I don't know how long AND IT FIT!!! It's not perfect - a bit snug up top still (however if I keep the sweater on you can't tell), but it goes on and zips up and looks fabulous!

I am SO excited that I can FINALLY wear this dress! I am actually going to wear it on the 28th to my friend's marriage celebration. And I'm going to look sensational. And this, THIS is why I will tell the FGIMH the shut her pie hole. THIS is why I will continue to get up every morning and wish I was dead as I jump up and down in a puddle of my own blood, sweat and tears. THIS is why I will keep going forward. - because I am SO FRIGGIN CLOSE to my goal and I KNOW I can do it!

New Addition

I have a new niece!

Last night at 8:56 pm my brother Graham's wife Andrea gave birth to Jasmine Raye Kilgore. She weighed 5 lbs 14 oz and was 18.5" long. Below is the picture Graham texted me last night...

Isn't she precious?!

Welcome to the world Jasmine Raye!

Am I still alive?

This morning's Max Interval Plyo workout signaled the end of my first week of the Max portion of Insanity. I gave it my all this week, even working through a pinched nerve in my back yesterday and a raging headache today. I can't say that I held my own through the workouts. A lot of the exercises were new to me and, while there was nothing I was physically unable to do (such as running up a wall and doing a backflip into a handstand), I do not have the strength and agility to do a couple of them. I know I'll get there eventually, but until I do I will just have to settle for doing regular push-ups instead of power push-ups (where you do go down in a regular push-up and then propel yourself upwards while bringing your legs in, ending up standing but bent over).

My lack of strength and agility aside, I'm very proud of myself for getting through this week. I have been dreading it for months. And while it was not anywhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be, it was definately bad enough. I am physically exhausted right now, and have been every day this week. The up side is that I have slept like a rock every night this week. The down side is that after Monday, every time the alarm went off at 4:45 I wanted to cry because I was still so tired that I would do anything to have three more hours of sleep. And worse than that is how wiped out I have felt during the day. This afternoon when I was upstairs in Maron's room I put a pillow behind my back and sat up against the wall with the intention of reading a book or two to the girls. The next thing I knew Maron was in my face yelling "What are you doing?" because I had leaned up against her dresser and dozed off.

As weary as I am I will not be deterred. I am going to complete the next three weeks, doing the best I can and getting better every day. Since it is highly doubtful that I will magically reach my goal weight in the next three weeks I will likely start the whole program over again once I finish it. The whole shebang, start to finish with no interruptions and no excuses. But that's still a month off. For now I will focus on the task at hand, which is doing three more weeks of Max interval workouts without dying.

Mine!

So yesterday brought the advent of the possesive in my eldest daughter. In other words, she discovered that things don't just exist, they belong. And apparently they all belong to her.

I knew this day was coming and therefore I am not shocked or saddened. Asking a child to never try to hold ownership over anything and everything in their world is like asking the sun not to shine, the grass not to grow. In fact I am not only not shocked, I am a little entertained by it. Because unlike so many toddlers in the world, Maron is not just coming up to me with something and screaming "Mine!" into my face. She has been very calmly and politely informing me that things belong to Maron. The Nerf football? "This belongs to Maron." The bouncy ball? "This belongs to Maron." The blanket and bunnies and lovey in her bed? You got it - "This belongs to Maron." So while I cannot say that I am raising an entirely unselfish toddler (which at this stage of development is impossible), I can at least boast that she is very polite in her attempt at total and complete control of all object in her presence.

This morning I completed day 4 of my first week of Max workouts. Today was Max Recovery which, although not plagued by massive all-go-no-quit cardio, was the hardest workout I've done to date. It's the slow-and-controlled aspect that makes it challenging, along with the fact that I simply do not have enough upper arm strength to go down into a pushup for a 4 count and come back up for a 4 count and repeat it 15 more times. There were also a few yoga type hip flexer stretches that, while I am able to get into the proper pose, I am in no way capable of holding for as long as they do. At one point I was certain, to the very core of my being, that the muscles on the inside of my thighs were going to burst into flames.

I did the best I could today, but it was a pretty sad, pathetic showing. I am definately looking forward to increasing my muscle stamina and getting better at this workout.

GO!

I just completed my first workout of the MAX portion of Insanity - Max Interval Circuit. After careful consideration all I have to say is this...
HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS! Did anyone get the license plate number of that mack truck that just ran me the fuck over?! JEEZUS!!

That being said, I am still alive. Alive but very, very exhausted and more than just a little sore. I would love to tell you, dear reader, that I performed that workout to the very best of my ability and held my own. But why start off a new week with a lie? I did do my best, mostly. I was not sure if my stamina would hold out for a full hour at that level of exertion so I did pace myself a little bit (but not much). I worked as hard as I could on the exercises I knew I could do and went a little slower on the ones that were new to me. And then there were one or two that I had to modify because I was flat out not able to do them. Not physically incapable, mind you, just lacking the core strength and body agility to get them done.

Tomorrow morning is going to be my first shot at Max Interval Plyo - assuming my legs don't fall off at some point today.

Ready... Set...

Tomorrow, as promised, is going to be my first day on the second portion of Insanity (finally). I have completed the first 4 weeks and the recovery week two times, and I feel now that I am as ready as I am ever going to be to go into the MAX portion.

The first workout on the agenda for tomorrow is Max Interval Circuit. The Fit Test is supposed to be done before it, but I decided to get up and do the Fit Test today instead. The workouts I have been doing are all around 40 minutes, and tomorrow's is a solid hour. To add a 25 minute Fit Test on top of that is a little more than I can handle, considering I'm not sure I'm even going to survive tomorrow's workout (especially considering the FT alone always wears me out).

I am pleased to report that my Fit Test numbers have all shown a vast improvement since I started Insanity 12 weeks ago. And I'm even more pleased to tell you that, while I absolutely think there's a real possibility I might die this coming week, I am actually (mostly) looking forward to starting the Max portion. Doing the Insanity has completely changed my feelings about exercising. Right now I am stronger physically than I have been in years, and I am stronger mentally than I have ever been in my entire life. I'm at a point now where I want to work my body. I want to do better, get better, be better. And the simple fact that I am (mostly) looking forward to tomorrow instead of cringing back in paralyzing fear is a big win for me.

I really feel like it's time to kick this weight loss up a notch, and I think the Max workouts are going to do just that. Stay tuned for an update on tomorrow's Max workout (assuming I don't drop dead of hardcore cardio exhaustion).