Time For Change



Another year has come and gone, and (shockingly) I have yet to start getting any younger. I'm 32 years into the only life I'm going to get, and I've decided that it is (FINALLY!) time to take control of my it. Once and for all.

 

Today I've started on a path to change my body, my eating habits and my entire attitude toward health and fitness. This is all based on a book called Metabolism Miracle by Dianne Kress. I'll spare you the lengthy details about the principles of it; you can read about it yourself if your interested enough.

 

Anyway, this is the end of day 1 of Step 1 of the program, and I did very well today. I exercised this morning, ate the right foods for breakfast and lunch, drank 160 oz of water, and ate a wholely carb-free dinner. (Yes, yes, I know... another carb-free diet, yada yada. But this is different; it's only carb-free for the first 8 weeks, so nyah!)

 

This was tonight's dinner. Not nearly as luscious and decadent as the homemade lasagna I had last night, but after eating it I didn't feel wildly uncomfortable and full of shame. So I guess that in and of itself is a big change.

 

So here's to 2014. A new year, a new chance, a new me.

Darkness Falls

For every joy there is a sorrow.
For every smile there is a frown.
For ever sparkle of the eye
There is a tear drop that has
Yet to fall.
For every happy memory
There is a haunting nightmare.
For every action there is a regret.

No one can predict the future,
Any more than they can change the past.

Live truly and deeply in the now,
For that is all there is.

~M. Haag 10/29/06

Missing Kate

Dearest, Most Awesome Aunt Kate,

     Yesterday was the 3 month mark of us losing you. And when I say us, I don't just mean the Kilgore clan and its affiliates. 'US' means your parents, your brother and sisters and their spouses, their children and spouses, their children (your great-nieces and nephews), your friends, our friends (especially mine, because there is not a single person I know, who has met you, who didn't think you were Top Banana) your church family, your former co-workers, every teacher you've ever had, every person that has ever talked to you for 10 minutes... I hope you get the picture. Yesterday was hard for me. Today, for reasons I can't understand, has been even harder.

Maybe it's because today I'm finalizing all the plans for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and Christmas Dinner.Knowing how much you loved Christmas, this is hard.
Maybe it's because tonight I finally brought myself to hang the very last family ornament you made for us. It's not on the tree though, it's on the wall next to the drawing of the Monroe Street Bridge that you used to own. Knowing this is the last Aunt Kate ornament I will ever receive, this is hard.
Maybe it's because this is a day that ends in 'y', and I miss you terribly every single day. Who knows.

What I do know, is that you were the light of this family;you were the spirit and the essence. We few and humble who remain will do our best to pick up the slack in your absence, but it will never be the same. I will never again be able to call you and talk to you about my troubles, only to hear you say, "Listen kiddo," when beginning your response. My daughters will never get to hear you talk about the Kilgore family, going into all the finite details about who's who and what came to be... Much to my great despair.

I wish you were still here. With every breath, I wish you were still here. Aunt Mary gave me a baggie of your jewelry, to share between my sisters-in-law and myself, which I did. I kept your mall gold hoop earrings, because they are the ones you always, always wore. I kept your gold and ruby ring, because ruby is your birth stone. I also kept your gold chain with the cross on it; the one you were wearing every time I ever saw you. I'm not religious like you - not by half. But the day I was given the jewelry was the day of your Seattle memorial service. That evening, as I sat with my friends Barbara and Georgi at their house, I was trying on bits and pieces. And the moment I put on your cross necklace, I immediately felt more at peace. I stopped crying, and I felt - for the first time since you had passed - that the claims everyone had been making that you were watching over me were actually true. So I kept the cross for myself, and it's the first time in my entire life that I've worn a cross without feeling like a fraud. I hope you understand this (and I know in my heart that you do).

I wish I could say that dealing with the loss of you has gotten easier over the last 3 months, but it really and truly hasn't. Every now and again I hear your voice in my head, pushing me to go on, and telling me that you'll always love me; it gets easier in those moments, but the moments never last. At the end of the day you are still gone, and I still miss you beyond words. It sucks that you are no longer with us, and I can honestly say that all I want from Santa in one more Christmas with you.

I love you Aunt Kate. Always.

Untitled Poem

Could every sound
Rise through cold rain
As though music from that moon did fall
Between language and poetry

~M. Kilgore 2003

And for my next trick...

... I will transform myself into an full-time employee, as well as a mother and wife.

BAM!

That's right, after 5.25 long years (and I mean looooonng - like, forever and a day, a lifetime ago, I don't remember what it's like to have adult interaction on a daily basis), I have now re-entered the working world, becoming once more a gainfully employed member of society.

Pardon me a moment while I breathe the world's biggest sigh of relief. You see, just between you, me and the fence post, I was beginning to get a titch skeptical of my ability to ever find myself in this position ever again. So I offer up Relief Sighs because

A - I found a job! Between February of this year to a few weeks ago, I put in 82 applications/resume submissions total, and it was getting a tad bit hard to keep my chin up.
B - I found child care for my girls! In less than one week I found a wonderful gal who runs a daycare out of her home to drop Maron off with, and for the obscenely affordable fee of $50/week this woman feeds Maron breakfast, gets her to school, picks her up from school and feeds her a snack in the afternoon so that she's not a rabid beast by the time I pick her up. And for Marida I found Lil' Hawks Daycare, which is both a daycare AND a preschool, and it's right on my way to work. This is another wildly affordable situation for me - seriously, it's the absolute cheapest all-day care I've ever found; $535/month gets Marida breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack and even dinner, if I ever find myself stuck late at work. And she has her own cubby in a classroom and is getting SO MUCH MORE interaction with kids her age than she ever has before.
C - My kids LOVE their respective daycare situations! I'm not even exaggerating on this one... The first week of Marida's days at Lil' Hawks found me dragging her out of the building kicking and screaming because she didn't want to leave. And 3 days out of 5 I have to pry Maron's tiny little fingers off of her babysitters doorjamb.
D - I'm still capable of being a valuable employee! This is something I never questioned in myself, but I know that every potential employer did - my ability to train easily and work full-time with no complications after being a SAHM for so long. You see, it turns out that, as an administrative/office type person, if you have been out of the work force for more than 6 months, companies generally consider all your previous skill/ability with office programs to be ca put. And it's really, really hard to convince a potential employer that charting your household finances and personal diet log has effectively kept your Excel skills up-to-date.

Now, deets on my new gig  - My first day of work was November 18th. I work at Johanna Beverage Company (and before you ask, the beverage in question is juice, not beer, so I can't hook you up for your next poker night) as the Logistic Administrative Assistant. On the one hand the title is a fancy way of saying 'Front Office Girl Who Answers the Phone, Sorts the Mail and Signs for Packages', but it turns out there is a lot more to it than that. I am only just beginning to be trained on the other nuances of my position, which will include invoice sorting/matching, receiving, posting of the personnel schedule, supply inventory, and weekly reports ranging from everything to HR updates to downtime of various plant equipment. It's a great job with a very decent starting wage, and an excellent benefit package (so I'm told) once I become eligible. And everyone that I work with is super nice and encouraging. I have a perfect interaction mix of front office 'professional' and warehouse 'funny sarcastic teasing'. This job is so up my alley it's nuts! :-)

All in all, I am SO thankful to have a job again, and SO thankful that it's this job. I feel like I have found a perfect fit with JBC, and vice versa. So pardon me while I pat myself on the back just one more time and say "YAY ME!"

Technology: The Aftermath

Oh Technology... Wonderful, wonderful technology, where would we be without you? Honestly, what would we do with ourselves if we were not able to update our Facebook status' 3 times while having dinner at a restaurant? How else would all of our friends and family find out about the over-priced meal, our attractive yet mildly incompetent server and our calorie-rific slice of chocolate whatever for dessert?
What would we do if the world at large couldn't tweet about the things that annoy it - all day, ever day? What if nobody knew what book Alyssa Milano is reading or what Oprah Winfrey had for breakfast? What the hell would we do?!

Do you remember the days before all of these new wonderful technological advances? Do you remember when you didn't have a cell phone? Back in the days when, if somebody wanted to reach you and you weren't home, they just had to wait. And, most importantly, if you were out on a pisser and had a sudden urge to drunk-dial your ex (or the CFO of your former company, which I did once), you couldn't just pull a hunk of circuits out of your pocket and make an ass of yourself. You actually had to leave your table, search for a pay phone, realize you didn't have exact change on you, and then make a mental note to call them when you got home at 2:47 in the morning. A mental note that, with any amount of good luck/good karma, would be erased from your internal memo pad by one of the three or four rounds of drinks that inevitably follow the urge to call said ex.

Now don't get me wrong - I love my smart phone. I love having the ability to text and email and Facebook update and Google search all in the palm of my hand. I love my smart phone and would be lost without it - literally, since I use my navigation app ALL THE TIME.

The reason I'm bringing this up now is because lately I have been having a tendency to text people in the middle of the night, in my sleep. Apparently it's a really easy thing to do, especially with the text-to-speech feature that is available on almost every phone these days. Sometimes the texts are coherent things like, "Hey, how are you doing today?" But mostly I seem to be texting what I'm saying in my dreams.
(It turns out smart phone + people who talk in their sleep = crazy motherf**king texts at wildly inappropriate hours.)
Now I know what you're going to say... "But Micah, the obvious solution is to not keep your phone next to your bed when you're asleep", and you know what? It's the truth. But after having family/loved ones out of town and only having a cell phone for the longest time, I trained myself to always keep my cell nearby in case of late night 'there's been an accident' calls. Plus I like being able to pick up my phone and check the time when it's several hours past my bed time and I haven't fallen asleep yet. Another solution would be to put in a passcode on my phone so that I had to enter a pin or draw a pattern to be able to unlock the phone, but I've tried that in the past and unless I'm going to keep it pass-coded all the time (which is a huge pain in the ass when I just want to check the time while I'm at the store), it's no good. In all likelihood I would set a code before bed that I wouldn't be able to remember in the morning, then I'll find out which is more embarrassing: texting random obscurities to people in my sleep or being locked out of my own phone. And after 25 years of hearing the Polish joke about the man who locked his keys in the car (it took him 30 minutes to get his family out), I think it would be the latter.

So be warned, world... If you are a person whose contact information I have saved in my phone, there is a reasonible possibility that I will text you in my sleep at some point in our pre-apocolyptic time on this rock.

There, and Back Again... A Fidget's Tale by Micah Haag

Well, here I am... back in Spokane. And you know what? I couldn't be happier.
(Okay, realistically speaking, I could be happier... but somehow I don't think winning the lottery and spending the rest of my life traveling around the world is going to be my reality this Life time around, so for now I'll be happy where I'm at.)

It's a funny thing... when I left Spokane at the age of 20 (almost a dozen years ago), I swore to the heavens and anyone who would listen that I was never coming back. Like, never ever ever ever. And I believed it, right down to the very depths of my soul, I believed it. Of course, at that time I also believed that I would never settle down, I would NEVER have children, and I would never have the desire to commit to something so big and permanent as buying a house. A Lifelong Renter - that's what I was going to be!
Anyway... at 20 years old I had fallen in love and left my home town in the rear view mirror. I moved to Georgia where I had some adventures and got my heart broken. I moved to Seattle where I had LOTS of adventures and broke a few hearts. I married, divorced, moved to Kingston, married again and had two children. And that's when everything changed.

When I was a kid, Spokane wasn't that bad of a place to live, although for me it felt akin to torture. The worst part of it all was the neighborhood that I grew up in. Poor and nappy, about a block outside of the Hillyard neighborhood, that neighborhood and all of it's lack of charm were the basis for my experience of Spokane as a whole. (Of course, if one was to drive down my old street today, the home I grew up in would seem high-falootin' by comparison, which is more sad and depressing than I care to admit to myself.) I was so eager to get out of this town, and so very, very pleased when that desire became manifest. I left this place and never looked back, never doubted my decisions, and never regretted anything I experienced in the world at large.

After having children my perception of the city of grew up in... changed. Suddenly living in Kingston, on the outskirts of everything (or so it seemed to me) was crippling to my mental, physical and emotional well-being. I was staying at home all day with little girls that I couldn't take outside most of the time because everything was wet and covered in mildew. I couldn't even do something as simple as walk to the store, because the nearest store was 3 miles away and we lived on an arterial and every turn was a blind corner. Just going for a walk in the neighborhood with my kids in the stroller filled me with so much fear and dread of being struck by a vehicle that eventually it wasn't worth the anxiety to try. And then of course there was the ever-increasing feeling of isolation. My closest friend was and hour and a half drive away, and the majority of my family lived in Spokane. The few rogue family members that lived in Seattle were far enough away and busy enough that us getting together was a once-in-a-blue-moon kind of thing. Suddenly I found myself, my husband and my kids were an island, all by ourselves in the great, big ocean of life. I began missing my family in Spokane more and more, and I realized one day that Steve and I had no real support group where we were. Everybody needs help sometimes, even if it's just somebody watching your kids for an hour while you go get your teeth cleaned. We had nothing like that in Kingston, whereas here in Spokane it's nigh in abundance.

Long story short (I know, too late), moving back to Spokane has been the best decision for myself and my family. Steve loves it here, which pleases me to no end, and the girls couldn't be happier. Since we moved into our new home in our new city the girls have experience sunshine and warm/hot temperatures every day, they can ride their little bikes and scooters in front of our house (located in the center of a 3 home cul-de-sac) without fear of being mowed down by some careless driver racing to make the next ferry boat, and they finally have friends everywhere they look. There are 2 little girls right next door, their cousins live less than a mile from us, there are kids of various ages all over the neighborhood... it's Utopia here for M1 & M2. And all of us - Steve, me, M1 & M2 - love, love LOVE our new house. It's SO much bigger than our old house, and it's fun and quirky and has a front and back yard to die for. It's wonderful here, and I am so glad that I have grown enough over the years to let my old Spokane prejudices fall by the wayside. And I'm equally glad that, in that time, Spokane managed to grow and change enough in itself to be habitable to me once again. I guess you could say that, although it took more than a decade of separation, Spokane and I have finally matured enough to meet in the middle and maybe... just maybe... live happily ever after.

Beds!!



This was a very productive day for our Spokane plans... Today we bought beds for the girls!!

I have been getting a little panicked lately because I didn't know what we were going to do about a bed for Maron once we moved to Spokane. {The daybed she's sleeping in now is slated for the extra room in the basement, and I'll be damned if I'm going to move that big bastard twice.}

 

Steve was home for the weekend, and last night while playing around on the internet he happened upon Zulily.com, and they had a section of kids' bunk beds at AMAZING prices. So behold! This is/will be Maron's new bunk bed!

 

Full-size mattress on bottom, twin-size mattress on top. Perfect for sleep-over's, fighting spouses, and out-of-town guests.

 

And of course with a fabulous new bed you need fabulous new bedding, and we found this awesome comforter set, also on Zulily.com. We bought it for the full mattress on the bottom bunk. We found a very nice reversible (light purple/dark purple) comfortor and sham in a twin size on a different website, and that will go on the top bunk.

 

Last but CERTAINLY not least, we found this bunk bed for Marida's room...

 

We decided to go with a honey color instead of white, because the dresser we bought new for Marida's nursery is honey colored, so it will go together nicely.

We didn't actually need to buy a bed for Marida now; she's still sleeping in her crib, and when we move to Spokane we'll take the front railing off of it and it will be a toddler bed, which should last her a while. But this bed was such a good price right now (seriously - it's a $750 bed that we got for less than $300) that we couldn't pass it up. And now when Marida is finally ready to go to a bik kid's bed, we will have this bunk set ready and waiting.

Now that Maron's room setup is COMPLETELY sorted, I will be able to sleep a little easier. There is a shit-ton of things that happen before, during and after this whole move, but at least now I know I will have a proper bed for the Fidget to sleep on. So today's score is Team Haag:1, Anxiety:0. Booyeah!

The Countdown is ON

For those (few) of you who don't know, The Haags are leaving Kingston!
Last Summer we purchased a home in north Spokane, and we've been renting it out for the last year. THIS Summer, we are moving in, and I, for one, can't freaking wait!

Steve and I just set the date for the move, and on August 10th the moving van will be pulling out of the swamp land and headed for drier pastures.

The official count? T-minus 64 days, baby!

Of course, now that there's a set date I am starting to feel a bit of anxiety about it. The simple fact of the matter is that we have 10 lbs of crap to stuff into a 2 lb bag in the next 64 days, and with Steve now living in Spokane, it's going to be about as difficult as it can be. But that's not going to get me down, hell no! It's going to be hard, but it's damn sure going to be worth it.

My Little Ones

My little ones are sharp, and sweet.

My little ones are fast asleep.

 

Upstairs I hear a thump, thump thump,

And now I hear a mighty bump.

 

I was about to sit and let down my hairs,

But now I'm heading back upstairs.

 

My little ones are NOT asleep,

And if I hear another peep

My patience will quickly subside

And I will tan their little hides.

My little ones are on the brink

Of raising up a mighty stink.

 

My little ones have settled down,

And I have put away my frown,

 

The day is done, trials in the past -

My little ones sleep well, at last.

 

My tea is done, it's now my turn

To sleep, and get some rest well earned.

 

~Micah M. Haag 5/22/13

Tales from a Toddler Drama Queen

Maron - my dear, sweet little Maron - has become a massive, epic drama queen. I'm talking 4 going on 15. She's been exhibiting all sorts of 'DQ' signs lately, but the most recent one was so dramatic I was compelled to post.

For the past couple of days, every time Marida does something that Maron deems 'unacceptable' (saying "no" repeatedly, telling Maron she's going to Time Out, laughing for no reason, etc...) Maron throws her hands up and lets out a giant wail and grabs her head and says, "I just can't take it anymore!"

This is going to be a very long, long parenting trip.

Squat!!

Yesterday I started the 30 Day Squat Challenge that I found on Pinterest. It's funny... I was planning to start it at the beginning of May, but then yesterday I just decided to get out of my seat and do it.
You see, one of my biggest problems with getting into shape has always been putting it off. "I'm going to start on Monday", or "I'm going to start that next month". Part of it is my OCD of beginning things at the start of a week/month/year, but mostly it's just my way of putting shit off until tomorrow (and then some). After all, why put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely?

But not this, not now. I am 2 days into the 30 day squat challenge, and by God I will see it through. And it goes a little something like this:
Day 1 - 50 squats               Day 16 - Rest
Day 2 - 55 squats               Day 17 - 150 squats
Day 3 - 60 squats               Day 18 - 155 squats
Day 4 - Rest                       Day 19 - 160 squats
Day 5 - 70 squats               Day 20 - Rest
Day 6 - 75 squats               Day 21 - 180 squats
Day 7 - 80 squats               Day 22 - 185 squats
Day 8 - Rest                       Day 23 - 190 squats
Day 9 - 100 squats             Day 24 - Rest
Day 10 - 105 squats           Day 25 - 220 squats
Day 11 - 110 squats           Day 26 - 225 squats
Day 12 - Rest                     Day 27 - 230 squats
Day 13 - 130 squats           Day 28 - Rest
Day 14 - 135 squats           Day 29 - 240 squats
Day 15 - 140 squats           Day 30 - 250 squats

As long as my left knee holds out, by May 5th I should have thighs and an ass way more suitable for the shorts-wearing season that will be rapidly approaching.

Art Imagining Life

A few years ago Steve got me a really nice art kit for Christmas. I've always liked to doodle and sketch, so he went all out for me (as he is so want to do). It's in a big black case and has colored pencils, chalks, paints and an easel... all in all a very nice gift. One that I always felt was too professional for my skills and abilities (or lack there of).

Lately my insomnia has been kicking in, and after a few nights of 3 hours or less of sleep I start to feel creative. It's always been like that for me; back in high school my creativity would burst out in the form of poetry. Now though it seems to want to come out as drawings, and who am I to stifle my own creativity?

For whatever reason, all I could think about drawing recently was Florence, Italy. I've never been of course - I've never been anywhere. But I'd like to go some day, and until that day comes I'll keep dreaming about it. Since I couldn't draw it from memory I had to go off of a picture I found on Google.

Anyway, here's my most recent sketch art. I've never drawn something like this before, and I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself. I showed Steve the almost-finished product last night, and he was proud of me too. He said it makes him happy to see me indulging my creativity. :-)

Progress!!

It's been 8 weeks since I started my Lifestyle Overhaul, and I have nothing but good news to report! I have lost another 5 lbs (from last Sunday), and that brings the total to 28 lbs lost since January 6th. 28 motherf**king pounds!!!
I'm excited - can you tell? Hell, if I was any more excited there would be two of me. :-)

Of my 28 lbs lost, 20 have come off in the last 4 weeks alone, since I started The Juicing. I put that in bold letters because it's been such a remarkable thing for me that I feel, at this point, it deserves to be revered a bit. Unfortunately I'm not able to acheive the effect I would like, which would be for you to hear those words in your mind spoken by James Earl Jones. So be a dear and just imagine it that way, okay?

Anyway... The Juicing.
I did a juice fast (nothing but fresh vegetable/fruit juice and tea) for the first week, and since then I have had juice nearly every day for breakfast and lunch, and small, sensible dinners. I have been drinking coffee, tea, and decaf Nescafe quite freely, along with lots and lots of water. It's all been working out so well that I have actually become enthused by my prospects. Case in point, this morning I woke up at 5:17 and instead of rolling over and going back to sleep (which I easily could have done), I instead chose to get up and weigh myself because I was eager (yes, you read that right - EAGER) to see what the scale would show me.
Of course, it's not just the scale that I am getting hope and excitement from... I have lost enough weight in the right places that I have once again started to feel good about myself. I no longer dress/undress away from any and all reflective surfaces. I look in the mirror now and I can tell, every week, that I have lost weight and gained back a little bit more of my health and fitness. I am fitting into smaller jeans and shirts, and I feel so damn proud of that I could burst. And Steve can tell how well I'm doing, just by looking at me.

So here's to losing weight!
Here's to getting healthy!
Here's to finishing my coffee so I can scrub the vegetables and fruits I'm going to drink for breakfast! The juice may not taste as awesome as the blueberry pancakes Steve promised the girls for breakfast this morning, but I'll drink it anyway because it's worth it.

Juicing Update

A lot of people have been asking me how my juicing fast has been going, and I figure it's time I give y'all an update.

Monday through Thursday I did great. All juice, all day. I didn't drink any coffee, but I did drink a couple cups of green tea each day. Friday we were started running low on certain vegetables, so I started incorporating some solid foods back in. So for the last few days it's been juice for Breakfast and Lunch, and soup or fish for Dinner.

Since last Monday I have lost 8 lbs (that's a total of 16 since Jan 6th), my clothes are noticeably looser, and I have felt AMAZING. Seriously, I can't believe how good I felt having nothing but juice and water for days in a row. I won't say all the juices were delicious, because frankly, some weren't.
I was never hungry either; that honestly shocked me.

So that's the update. I am still drinking the juice, and so is Steve (let's give him a round of applause, shall we). He is also down 8 lbs since last Monday. And he and I both agree that we are going to keep at this a while longer. :-)

I Scream, you scream, we all scream for...

...JUICE?!
A friend of mine recently completed a 10 day, all juice detox. She drank nothing but freshly juiced vegetables and fruits. And water. Plenty of water.
She said the whole time that she felt great and had SO much energy, and after 10 days she lost 11 lbs and 7.5 inches. You can read about her adventure here...
http://juicingforahealthylife.blogspot.com/

After hearing how much she loved the whole experience, I decided to give it a try myself. What's more, Steve has decided to do it with me (though he'll likely do just a week). After multiple trips to various grocery stores this weekend we have bags and boxes and 2 fridge's stuffed to the gills with fruits & veggies. I spent this evening washing all of the vegetables that I will need for breakfast tomorrow. Below is the spread that Steve and I will be drinking.

 

 

I am really excited about trying this. After 4 weeks of lifestyle changing I have lost 8 lbs and am alcohol free. THAT hasn't been my reality since I was growing a human being in my stomache. I have traded beer for tea and bourbon for decaf Nescafe, and I drink over a gallon of water a day now. I have to pee ALL THE TIME, and every trip to the bathroom feels like a life or death emergency, but at least I'm sober.

Demolition Man... and Wife

This has been a very productive weekend for us. We had one goal, and one goal alone... Take down The Shanty.

 

The Shanty, as you can see below, is a tiny little shack that was on the corner of the property when Steve purchased it. The previous owner had built it to be a green house, but Steve and his father used it as a shelter from inclement weather back in the early days of the home construction. They even put in a wood burning cast iron stove. A stove which still stands sturdy (though rusty) and will make a kitchy addition to my future Spokane home's back deck. 

 

These pics are the before, during, and after shots...

 

 

Behold The Shanty! Complete with missing glass panels

and rotting tree stumps.

 

Steve, standing amidst the wreckage.

 

It's gone... ALL GONE!!

 

 

I am sitting here now, tired and sore as all get out. But I am SO glad that we tackled this project (finally!) and managed to get it done in one weekend. The plus side of course is that we have torn down the aesthetic abomination. The down side is that by tearing down the trashy shanty we opened up the corner of the yard facing the even trashier yard of the people behind us. Complete with rusted, broken swing set and a fire hazard lawn that has not been mowed in over 2 years. Sometimes when you win, you lose.

 

I will say that, in spite of the crazy body aches and moist chest wheeze I have as a result of two days hard labor, I am SO happy that we spent this weekend getting something big checked off our Get the Hell Out of Here checklist. So goodbye, Shanty. May you find renewed purpose in the 'mask wearing, knife wielding psycho' nightmare's of  youth.  

Progress!

It's Sunday once again, which means it's Weigh-In Day, or WID for short. I was tickled pink when I stepped on the scale and saw that I am down 5 lbs from last week. Add that to the 3 lbs down from the week before, and I have lost 8 lbs in the last two weeks. Pardon me a moment while I do a little happy dance...

*Weeee!!!*

Thank you.
I have not been the working-out champion like I wanted to be. I've only exercised twice in the last two weeks. So those lost pounds are solely due to not stuffing my face uncontrolably. :-)
I'm pretty proud of myself so far, not just because of losing 8 lbs. I've managed to make a 75% overhaul to my eating habits without cravings or problems. I still need to tackle the exercising, but I'm not berating myself for not doing so yet. I'm taking on one problem at a time, and I now have 8 lbs of progress to help keep me motivated. Baby steps.

Off to a good start.

Well it's so far so good for my resolutions to change my lifestyle. I didn't end up exercising Monday morning, but I did yesterday and I will again tomorrow. Assuming I can still walk, that is. My legs are more sore this morning than they were last night. Hell, they're more sore now than they were two hours ago. But at least the exercising has commenced.

My diet has been very good the last two days, having ended both days within my calorie range. And I really haven't been very hungry, so overeating hasn't even been an issue. Thank goodness for that. Now if I can keep my head xdown and make it through this first week with no complications, that will be a big boost to my confidence in my ability to follow through with this.

My Promises to Myself

With the start date for my Complete Lifestyle Makeover (or CLM, for short) only 3 days away, I find myself feeling a touch of anxiety about it. Not that I'm unsure about what needs to be done and how I'm going to do it. On that I am quite confident. I'm just a little bit worried about my ability to follow through. And the only reason I'm worried is because I tend to be my own worst enemy in this area. I doubt myself, I let myself get deterred from putting in the effort, I dump all over myself any (and every) time I have a setback... I am the master at making myself feel like a piece of crap. That fact in mind, I have decided to make the following promises to myself:

1.) Whether my progress is fast or slow, I'll be sure to keep it steady. 'Slow and steady wins the race' will be my mantra.
2.) I will take my dieting and exercising one day at a time.
3.) I will not berate myself for every little slip-up.
4.) I will be sure to remind myself that my slip-ups are, in fact, little.
5.) If at any point I start to stray from the path of healthiness and/or start falling to pieces over the weight (no pun intended) of it all, I will reach out. Because there are people in my life who care as much about me as I should, and they will want to help me.

It's Time

With the arrival of the new year comes the resolutions. Some new, many old, some really big and important, some dinky or frivolous. For the first time in my life I am making a resolution, a great big important one, that I am going to stick to no matter what. I have to.

My resolution in 2013 is to GET HEALTHY. And I'm not just talking about the 'lose weight and get in shape' kind of healthy, I am talking about a COMPLETE LIFESTYLE MAKEOVER. I am talking about a complete overhaul of my eating habits, my food intake, my physical activity - everything. I need to change what and how much I eat. I need to seriously curb my alcohol intake, if not give it up entirely. I need to become active and fit. I need to create a completely new set of (healthy) habits that I do now and tomorrow and every day for the rest of my life. Do I need to 'lose weight and get in shape'? Oh yes, but I need to do it on a massive scale. In short, I need to lose 80 lbs. And that's not "I have to lose 80 lbs in order to be skinny and hot." That's, "I need to lose 80 goddamn lbs before I am at what my doctor considers to be my optimum healthy weight." That is going to take everything I have and more, but I have to do it. I'm 31 years old, I have two small children, a wonderful husband and the whole rest of my life to live. I can't put off changing any longer. I am out of time and out of excuses, and starting January 7th it's do or die time. 2013 is the year I get my shit together and become the wife, mother, and PERSON that I've always wanted to be. For my family, for my future, and for MYSELF. Because I'm worth it, dammit.