That is to say, this is it for my 20's. There are now less than 7 days left before I turn 30. At 8:49 am on Friday, September 9th I will become a 30 Something.
All in all I have to say I have mixed feelings about it. I'm not afraid of age numbers that have a 3 in front of them or anything like that... I just find myself now, looking back at the last 10 years of my life and myself if I did enough with them? I feel like I did, but the reason for that is that, as a child/teenager/young adult I never set any clear life goals for myself. Around about the time I turned 18 I decided that all I wanted in life to be happy. I didn't have any kind of education and/or career and/or marriage/family goals; it didn't matter what I ended up doing in life so long as I was happy doing it. I figured that, as long as I could call myself honestly happy with the overall picture, I was successful.
And you know what? I am happy, so I guess that means I win.
I'm not saying that life doesn't get hard at times or that I don't have dark days every once in a while, but dark days are part of the cycle. And I know that, however bad or hard my life may seem at time, worse things have happened to sheep.
But again, in the general scheme of the things, I am happy. Very happy, in fact. I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful, happy children, a good house and I'm healthy. What more can you ask for out of life, really?
I guess the only sadness I feel right now about turning 30 is that, to me 30 is a big deal. It's a huge milestone that I've been looking forward to for some time, and I always thought in my mind that whatever I did to celebrate turning 30 should/would be epic. I really, really wanted it to be amazing. A huge party or a grand adventure or something along those lines. Unfortunately life and money and economic issues are going to prevent anything of the sort. Instead my 30th birthday is going to find me at home with the kids, just like any other day. Steve will have to work and won't get home until late. Sometime next Friday night I'm going to head to a local bar to have some drinks with a couple of local friends, which will be fun, but that's going to be the extent of recognition and celebration of me surviving 30 years of life.
And that's fine, really. It's not like I need a big flashy show or a parade in my honor to get on with my life. It's just been a sobering thought to realize that I'm really not special at all. I used to feel special, and I've always been a firm believer that everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday. But really, when you get right down to the brass tacks of it, I'm not special at all. And that's fine too. It's just hard to have the last little ego bubble of your youth popped. But in 100 years, who will care about my petty problems anyway?
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